You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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