I just made out with a guy for $7.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
