The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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