Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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