Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
