i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
