Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
