I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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