im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
