Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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