Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
