call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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