i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
