Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
it's like iHOP with fire
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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