i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
My life is pants optional.
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