Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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