never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
