Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
