I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
