I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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