The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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