Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
