Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
