everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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