There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
