and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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