Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
