i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
you never un-have a 4some
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
