if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
