Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Randomize
