I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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