Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
