she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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