A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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