Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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