I met the friendliest cop last night
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Houston, we have a squirter
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
