Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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