I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
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