you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
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