I murdered the dance floor call the cops
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
