it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
