Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
