Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
