Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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