your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Holy shit dude........stairs
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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