How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
