he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
