You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
