It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
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