Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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