I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
it's like heaven, but drunker
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
