I showed him my bush... on skype.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
